Am I responsible for informing the women who traipse in and out of my ex's life about his "history" of using women for their money and whatever else he can get out of them?
When we first split, I took it upon myself to inform the new girlfriend of "everything". She chose to not believe me. Well, as of about 3 weeks ago, she's now telling me that she wishes she had listened. He is telling me that SHE is crazy and stalking him - calling, texting, dropping in unannounced, etc., etc. I told him yesterday, "I told you there would come a day when you'd thank me for not signing the divorce papers when you first sent them to me, and TODAY is that day." lol
In the beginning, I went throught the entire gamut of emotions: sadness, anger, resentment, jealousy - you name it, I felt it. Now, I'm thankful he left - he did me an enormous favor. The hardest part of it all is that we have a daughter together, and I'm having a tough time allowing her to go anywhere with him. #1 - I don't trust him to watch after her, feed her, make her take a shower, etc., as she needs to; #2 - I don't think it's right to parade a bevy of new people through a child's life, allow her to become attached to them, then dump them and move on to the next. It's not fair to our daughter to do that to her. She is seeing that her father views people as "disposable" and has no confidence in his love for her.
He proves to her almost daily that she's an "after-thought" in his life. He picks her up for a couple of hours IF it fits in with his schedule. I truly wish he'd just move away and only see her once or twice a year. I know it would hurt her, but at least his being far away would be a legitimate reason for him to not see her very often and wouldn't hurt as much as knowing he's just up the road and doesn't choose to see her. As it is, he lives about 7 miles from us, and still only sees her about once every 2 weeks for a couple of hours. I have stopped the weekday visits because it interferes with her schedule and concentration at school. Since I've done that, her grades have gone from D's and F's to A's and B's, so, you can't convince me it wasn't the right choice.
I understand that the newest beauty in his life is a really nice woman. Hardworking, kind, and just a good person all the way around. I kinda feel bad not letting her know to tread cautiously in one breath, but in the other, it's not my business to "save the world." So, I'm going to hope that maybe she's a pretty astute woman and will see through the bulls**t. He just has a way of appealing to a woman's sympathetic nature: he poor-mouths, talks about how the whole world is against him... yada.. yada... yada... He can't "catch" a woman using honesty, so he lies through his teeth to get what he wants. I told him yesterday, "Give a woman a chance and tell her, "Look, all I want is sex and someone to have dinner with every now and then," instead of declaring undying love every time. A woman would rather have the choice based on honesty, than lies. But, that's not his style. I have learned the hard way that if the man's lips are moving, he's lying.
The only thing good that came of our union is our daughter. Turns out, everything else was pretty much a lie. Ten years of lies and deceit. That's a hard pill to swallow for anyone. BUT, I can't regret it because of our little girl. She's the best thing that I ever did with my life. And I won't ever be sorry for that. I tell him all the time that she's the best thing HE ever did with his life, too. And that's the god's-honest truth.
Life is good for me now. I am happy, I am sharing my life with the most amazing man I've ever known. He is honest, loving, caring, has strength of character, integrity, and his word MEANS something. (Heck, I've never had that in my life, so it's taken some adjusting.) lol This is the first time I can remember in my life having a genuine respect and admiration for a man. He is true. And he loves me just because I am me. And that is a feeling that is mutual. He is just Jerry - down to earth, take him as he is, and no bullsh*t allowed. He has breathed life into my soul - healed all the hurts with his love and the most wonderful hugs you could ever imagine. This is where destiny meant for me to be. The path here was paved with lots of trials and tribulations. But ya know what? I'd travel that very same path again if I knew it would lead me to him.
I admit to some "scars and bruises" from my marriage to "Fever." One doesn't spend 10 years of their life with someone and not have some baggage left over. But all the pain is gone. Now it's just a feeling of, "How could I have wasted SO much time with someone like THAT?" I'm more angry with myself than anyone else. But, I guess it took all that to get me to all this. :) And "This" is pretty damned amazing.
Okay - that's my rant for the day. Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Blessed be!
Me
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Terrorism and Such
At the risk of stirring up a huge pot of doo-doo, I am embarking on a rant about the above-referenced subjects.
I am sitting her at 3:38 a.m., Monday morning, half-listening to World News on ABC. The government has just issued a warning to Americans travelling in Europe about suspected Al Quaida terrorist activity. Now, I'm just a simple woman from the southern part of the USA, but I can't for the life of me understand why these people want to hurt people who are complete strangers to them. If they want to hurt someone, go after our "wonderful" politicians who stir up all this garbage. I've always thought that if our politicians had to go to war, there would NEVER be one. But they sit up there in their bright, shiny offices on The Hill and stir this huge pot of s**t and then send our young people to do their fighting for them after they've pissed off the entire world. And this makes sense HOW?
How many of these politicians have children that are in our armed forces? Do they gladly ship their sons & daughters to "the Sandbox" with a hug and kiss and say, "Kill one for Daddy"? I don't think so. They've got their children in college, driving fancy cars, partying and living the good life, while the average family sends their beloved children over there - never knowing if they'll come back in a box or not. Or worse - physically & psychologically damaged for the rest of their lives.
And we don't only have to worry about travelling to Europe, but Mexico is crazy as well now because the drug lords have taken over. I say make drugs legal - if the idiots want to smoke pot and snort coke, or whatever, let 'em. Eventually, they will die, and we'll have some "cleansing" of sorts in their deaths. Problem solved. (Of course, if they want to use, I think they should be sterilized so they can't bring any children into their messed up lives.)
My simple little brain cannot understand all this stuff. I am a quiet, peaceful person who just wants to live their life. I want to travel to Europe and experience the history of places that are pretty much ancient. What I don't understand is that by doing harm to random "nobodies" can make a difference in ANYONE'S war. I just want to be left alone to see the things in the world that should be seen and experienced and not have to fear for my life for having the experience.
I am not a religous person. I do, however, believe in a Higher Power - by whatever name you want to call Him/Her/It. I don't believe that there is any one religion that is the "right" religion. Yet, people kill in the name of their God every single day. Why? I just don't get it. Worship in peace, for goodness' sake. Believe whatever you feel is right in your heart, but do no harm to anyone. I don't get why wars are started in the name of God/Allah/Buddah/Mohammed or whoever.
These are the things, I supposed, that will forever remain a mystery to me. I will never understand "human nature," I guess. World politics and politicians suck. Period. It's not just America, but ALL of them. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
I am sitting her at 3:38 a.m., Monday morning, half-listening to World News on ABC. The government has just issued a warning to Americans travelling in Europe about suspected Al Quaida terrorist activity. Now, I'm just a simple woman from the southern part of the USA, but I can't for the life of me understand why these people want to hurt people who are complete strangers to them. If they want to hurt someone, go after our "wonderful" politicians who stir up all this garbage. I've always thought that if our politicians had to go to war, there would NEVER be one. But they sit up there in their bright, shiny offices on The Hill and stir this huge pot of s**t and then send our young people to do their fighting for them after they've pissed off the entire world. And this makes sense HOW?
How many of these politicians have children that are in our armed forces? Do they gladly ship their sons & daughters to "the Sandbox" with a hug and kiss and say, "Kill one for Daddy"? I don't think so. They've got their children in college, driving fancy cars, partying and living the good life, while the average family sends their beloved children over there - never knowing if they'll come back in a box or not. Or worse - physically & psychologically damaged for the rest of their lives.
And we don't only have to worry about travelling to Europe, but Mexico is crazy as well now because the drug lords have taken over. I say make drugs legal - if the idiots want to smoke pot and snort coke, or whatever, let 'em. Eventually, they will die, and we'll have some "cleansing" of sorts in their deaths. Problem solved. (Of course, if they want to use, I think they should be sterilized so they can't bring any children into their messed up lives.)
My simple little brain cannot understand all this stuff. I am a quiet, peaceful person who just wants to live their life. I want to travel to Europe and experience the history of places that are pretty much ancient. What I don't understand is that by doing harm to random "nobodies" can make a difference in ANYONE'S war. I just want to be left alone to see the things in the world that should be seen and experienced and not have to fear for my life for having the experience.
I am not a religous person. I do, however, believe in a Higher Power - by whatever name you want to call Him/Her/It. I don't believe that there is any one religion that is the "right" religion. Yet, people kill in the name of their God every single day. Why? I just don't get it. Worship in peace, for goodness' sake. Believe whatever you feel is right in your heart, but do no harm to anyone. I don't get why wars are started in the name of God/Allah/Buddah/Mohammed or whoever.
These are the things, I supposed, that will forever remain a mystery to me. I will never understand "human nature," I guess. World politics and politicians suck. Period. It's not just America, but ALL of them. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Our Adventures - October 2, 2010
Hey, ya'll! This weekend, Jerry & I celebrate one year of knowing each other. Since I was not on-call this weekend, we decided to take an "adventure" - and so headed out towards Apalachicola for a jaunt. To get there, we had to travel through the community of Callaway, then Tyndall AFB, Mexico Beach, Port St. Joe, and finally, Apalachicola. It's a GORGEOUS ride along the Gulf of Mexico. We did about 100 miles one-way on this trip, and just took our time, enjoyed the scenery, and chilled out.
I thought we'd stop and ramble around in Apalachicola, but Jerry had other plans. We just kept on going, and ended up near the town of Panacea, where we stopped at the foot of the Ocklochonee Bay bridge and ate at this wonderful restaurant called Angelo & Sons Seafood Restaurant. (Pix below.) Jerry & I just got a couple of appetizers to share, and Mags, of course, had the cheese burger. Jerry got the crab stuffed mushrooms, which were without a doubt THE BEST mushrooms I have ever tasted in my life. If you ever find yourself in Panacea, do yourself a favor and stop at Angelo's. You wont' regret it.
At the top temp today, it was about 81 degrees, and the sky was clear and beautifully blue - well, there WERE some puffy white clouds, but it just added to the beauty of the day. If Mag hadn't have wanted to go, we'd have taken the hotrod and rode with the top down, no doubt. I love the wind blowing in my face and the sunshine shining down on me. :)
Anyway, Jerry & I are celebrating one year of being together. We have had a wondeful year that has been spent getting to know each other, travelling, and just being a regular "real" family. I really wish I could better articulate to everyone how full my heart is these days. This past year has been filled with LOTS of love & laughter, and a happiness such as I have never in my life known before. Those of you who know me know that I've had some tough battles over the years - involved myself with people who I simply "settled" for, but who were not good for me nor good TO me. I've had to re-program my way of thinking in so many ways since finding Jerry. It's almost foreign to me to be treated with love & respect, and to be loved just because I "am." There is no pressure to try to be someone I'm not. He accepts me - chubby, no make-up, goofy, clumsy, etc. etc., and despite all my imperfections, he loves me with his whole heart. If you'd have asked me last September if I would ever love and/or trust again, I would've said, "No way, no how!!" Well, talk about having to eat my words. LOL
Anyway... I am rambling. I just wanted to express my happiness in words tonight. I am thankful to the Powers That Be for bringing Jerry & his son Royce into my & Maggie's lives. Life is WONDERFUL. I am overflowing. :)
Bright blessings to you & yours,
Julie
I thought we'd stop and ramble around in Apalachicola, but Jerry had other plans. We just kept on going, and ended up near the town of Panacea, where we stopped at the foot of the Ocklochonee Bay bridge and ate at this wonderful restaurant called Angelo & Sons Seafood Restaurant. (Pix below.) Jerry & I just got a couple of appetizers to share, and Mags, of course, had the cheese burger. Jerry got the crab stuffed mushrooms, which were without a doubt THE BEST mushrooms I have ever tasted in my life. If you ever find yourself in Panacea, do yourself a favor and stop at Angelo's. You wont' regret it.
At the top temp today, it was about 81 degrees, and the sky was clear and beautifully blue - well, there WERE some puffy white clouds, but it just added to the beauty of the day. If Mag hadn't have wanted to go, we'd have taken the hotrod and rode with the top down, no doubt. I love the wind blowing in my face and the sunshine shining down on me. :)
Anyway, Jerry & I are celebrating one year of being together. We have had a wondeful year that has been spent getting to know each other, travelling, and just being a regular "real" family. I really wish I could better articulate to everyone how full my heart is these days. This past year has been filled with LOTS of love & laughter, and a happiness such as I have never in my life known before. Those of you who know me know that I've had some tough battles over the years - involved myself with people who I simply "settled" for, but who were not good for me nor good TO me. I've had to re-program my way of thinking in so many ways since finding Jerry. It's almost foreign to me to be treated with love & respect, and to be loved just because I "am." There is no pressure to try to be someone I'm not. He accepts me - chubby, no make-up, goofy, clumsy, etc. etc., and despite all my imperfections, he loves me with his whole heart. If you'd have asked me last September if I would ever love and/or trust again, I would've said, "No way, no how!!" Well, talk about having to eat my words. LOL
Anyway... I am rambling. I just wanted to express my happiness in words tonight. I am thankful to the Powers That Be for bringing Jerry & his son Royce into my & Maggie's lives. Life is WONDERFUL. I am overflowing. :)
Bright blessings to you & yours,
Julie
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| Sitting down for a nice lunch. |
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| And we're off on our adventure. |
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| Hmm... sooooo much to choose from... think I'll have a cheeseburger! :) |
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| My honey & my hambone |
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| The view from where we sat at Angelo & Son's Seafood Restaurant, Panacea, FL |
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| Fried Crab Claws |
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| These were THE BEST stuffed mushrooms I have EVER tasted! |
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| Time to refuel - and Mags woke up from her snooze when we stopped. |
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| Welcome to Historical Apalachicola, Florida! |
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| Our son, Royce, getting ready to fly his giant-scale RC airplane - a Chief Aircraft Yak. |
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| Of we go... into the wild, blue yonder.... :) |
Sunday, September 12, 2010
In Loving Memory of my sister, Kathy
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| Kathy in the early 70s - she was about 18 or 19 here |
Today is September 12, 2010. My sister, Kathy Davis, died eight years ago today.
Kathy was this amazingly vibrant and talented woman who had a smile that would light up any room she was in. People were just naturally drawn to her.
She battled alcohol for many, many years. Eventually, her liver just gave up. She died of complications of cirrhosis. It was a very long, very drawn out death - one I wouldn't wish on anyone.
There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of her and wish she were still here. My 10 year old daughter does and says so many things that I know would tickle Kathy to pieces. And so often I'll tell my daughter, "Your Aunt Kathy sure marked you, Kiddo." :)
Anyway, I just wanted to mark her passing on the 8th anniversary of that sad day. Her death has left an empty place in our family. There were 5, now there are 4 of us kids left. It just left a "hole", ya know?
Kathy, I hope once you crossed over, you found the peace you were always searching for.
I love you,
Jewie
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| Kathy, 1995-ish |
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Kathy, 1994 |
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| Kathy and Lucas 1981 |
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| Kathy's son, Lucas - now |
Saturday, September 11, 2010
September 11, 2010
Good Saturday morning. :)
I've got so much rattling around in my head today, I don't know quite where to start.
Today is the 9th anniversary of the attack of September 11, 2001. That year, as a whole, was one of the toughest of my life. My mom had died of metasticized breast cancer on June 28th that year; my sister, Kathy, was dying from cirrhosis related complications (she lived exactly 1 year and 1 day after Sept. 11, 2001), and I had a young child (she was not quite 18 months when the attacks happened). I felt like a walking ghost myself that year - my body was present, but my spirit was so bruised from losing Mama, I just wasn't myself at all. All I can recall about that day specifically was feeling totally "lost."
Fast forward to 2010: all over the news & tv this a.m. are remembrances of that day. And we have this yahoo preacher in Gainesville, FL, who's itching to burn a trailer-full of Korans. Yeah, let's stir all those radical Muslims up - NOT! I HATE religion AND politics. No good can ever come of either of them. In my simple little brain, I cannot for the life of me understand why people just can't leave people alone! I don't care WHAT religion you practice - Christianity, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, WHATEVER - it's personal. Keep it to yourself. Don't try to "recruit" me or anyone else to your way of thinking. Live your life - do what YOU know is right for yourself and your family, but keep it personal.
I don't believe there is any one "right" religion. If your faith sustains you, brings you joy and comfort, then it's the "right one" for you. Right? Everyone thinks their God is the only one, and I think it's great that they have that much faith and belief, but everyone else is just as confident that the way the believe and worship is just as right. Who is ANYONE to say that any of us is right or wrong? It's what you feel in your heart that matters most.
I live in the Bible Belt, and sometimes I think I'm the only one who doesn't attend a church around here. Anyone who thinks Christianity isn't as corrupt as Muslims is sadly mistaken. I'm not saying it's all bad, but look at all the crap that goes on: preachers stealing money from the offering plate, Catholic priests molesting little boys, pastors & parishioners sleeping with each other, etc., etc. That isn't how it's supposed to be. Hell, people just need to do the right thing - all the time - period. I don't care WHAT religion you are - DO THE RIGHT THING.
The churches that "require" their priests to be celibate are just asking for trouble. They forget that above all else, these priests are just human - not perfect god(s). And sex is a human condition - it feels good, we all want to do it. So, by forbidding it, does it not make them want to try it that much more? I know when, as a child, I was told I couldn't do something, it made me want to try it that much more. And these priests/preachers are the head of so many people - people who just want to be loved and made to feel needed/wanted by these charismatic men. And so often, men & women are unable to separate physical love from emotional love. To them, it's one and the same.
Religion, in itself, can be a dangerous thing in some instances. People take it to extremes - in EVERY religion. And they're all convinced they're doing the right thing. Their way is the ONLY right way in their eyes: those poor saps who all committed suicide in Jonestown, the ones who were going to hop a ride on the Hale-Bopp Comet, the folks in Waco, and the list goes on and on. They were all fed a bunch of s**t by people who virtually "hypnotized" them with their garbage.
I am not a "joiner" of anything. I am perfectly content with loving my family and friends - those are the only groups I'll ever join. I have faith and belief in a Divine Something-or-Other - I don't even know what to call it. But I know that I treat people with respect and I behave with honor and integrity, and I am truthful. I will help people when they are in need, I offer my friendship and support to them, and they know I am true-blue through and through. I pay my bills, honor my agreements, and I don't make promises I can't keep. And I am doing my best to teach my daughter to be the same way. Because, when it's all said & done, your character is what counts the most - no matter what religious label you fall under.
And that's what's on my mind this morning. Hope I didn't put you to sleep. :P
Love & Light to you all,
Jules
I've got so much rattling around in my head today, I don't know quite where to start.
Today is the 9th anniversary of the attack of September 11, 2001. That year, as a whole, was one of the toughest of my life. My mom had died of metasticized breast cancer on June 28th that year; my sister, Kathy, was dying from cirrhosis related complications (she lived exactly 1 year and 1 day after Sept. 11, 2001), and I had a young child (she was not quite 18 months when the attacks happened). I felt like a walking ghost myself that year - my body was present, but my spirit was so bruised from losing Mama, I just wasn't myself at all. All I can recall about that day specifically was feeling totally "lost."
Fast forward to 2010: all over the news & tv this a.m. are remembrances of that day. And we have this yahoo preacher in Gainesville, FL, who's itching to burn a trailer-full of Korans. Yeah, let's stir all those radical Muslims up - NOT! I HATE religion AND politics. No good can ever come of either of them. In my simple little brain, I cannot for the life of me understand why people just can't leave people alone! I don't care WHAT religion you practice - Christianity, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, WHATEVER - it's personal. Keep it to yourself. Don't try to "recruit" me or anyone else to your way of thinking. Live your life - do what YOU know is right for yourself and your family, but keep it personal.
I don't believe there is any one "right" religion. If your faith sustains you, brings you joy and comfort, then it's the "right one" for you. Right? Everyone thinks their God is the only one, and I think it's great that they have that much faith and belief, but everyone else is just as confident that the way the believe and worship is just as right. Who is ANYONE to say that any of us is right or wrong? It's what you feel in your heart that matters most.
I live in the Bible Belt, and sometimes I think I'm the only one who doesn't attend a church around here. Anyone who thinks Christianity isn't as corrupt as Muslims is sadly mistaken. I'm not saying it's all bad, but look at all the crap that goes on: preachers stealing money from the offering plate, Catholic priests molesting little boys, pastors & parishioners sleeping with each other, etc., etc. That isn't how it's supposed to be. Hell, people just need to do the right thing - all the time - period. I don't care WHAT religion you are - DO THE RIGHT THING.
The churches that "require" their priests to be celibate are just asking for trouble. They forget that above all else, these priests are just human - not perfect god(s). And sex is a human condition - it feels good, we all want to do it. So, by forbidding it, does it not make them want to try it that much more? I know when, as a child, I was told I couldn't do something, it made me want to try it that much more. And these priests/preachers are the head of so many people - people who just want to be loved and made to feel needed/wanted by these charismatic men. And so often, men & women are unable to separate physical love from emotional love. To them, it's one and the same.
Religion, in itself, can be a dangerous thing in some instances. People take it to extremes - in EVERY religion. And they're all convinced they're doing the right thing. Their way is the ONLY right way in their eyes: those poor saps who all committed suicide in Jonestown, the ones who were going to hop a ride on the Hale-Bopp Comet, the folks in Waco, and the list goes on and on. They were all fed a bunch of s**t by people who virtually "hypnotized" them with their garbage.
I am not a "joiner" of anything. I am perfectly content with loving my family and friends - those are the only groups I'll ever join. I have faith and belief in a Divine Something-or-Other - I don't even know what to call it. But I know that I treat people with respect and I behave with honor and integrity, and I am truthful. I will help people when they are in need, I offer my friendship and support to them, and they know I am true-blue through and through. I pay my bills, honor my agreements, and I don't make promises I can't keep. And I am doing my best to teach my daughter to be the same way. Because, when it's all said & done, your character is what counts the most - no matter what religious label you fall under.
And that's what's on my mind this morning. Hope I didn't put you to sleep. :P
Love & Light to you all,
Jules
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Two and a half years later....Life is better than good
I met Jerry, my partner, in October 2009. It is now September 2010, and I have never been happier in my entire life. This wonderful man came into my life when I was at an all-time low - I had lost my faith in love, in happiness, in so many things, and his sweet spirit just surrounded me with love, acceptance, trust, and all things "happy." He is my best friend and my biggest supporter - I've never known a man like him in all my life. And to put the icing on the cake, he loves my daughter as if she were his own. And she thinks he hung the moon. So, yes, life is better than good these days. :)
We've done lots of travelling this year. We went to St. Augustine for Xmas 2009, then a Caribbean cruise with the kids in April; then a trip to Helen, GA in June, and then another trip to St. Augustine in July. And we've just firmed up our Xmas travel plans for this year. We've rented a 3 bedroom condo in St. Augustine for a whole week with the kids. I can hardly wait! I'm loving all this travelling, and St. Augustine is fast becoming a place I absolutely LOVE. Got to do a couple of "ghost hunts" - which was lots of fun for me. I've always liked to watch shows & read books about ghosties, so it just tickled me to finally get to go on some ghost hunts of my own. We don't get in any rush when we go places - Jerry is just so laid back, and we don't "plan" out any formal activities until we get there and decide what we're in the mood to do & see.
We're tentatively planning a trip to Scotland - not anytime soon - but in the not-too-distant future. Jerry is retired Navy and has been all over the world - a few times, but he's ready to see alot of the world as a "tourist." So, he's all for seeing some of the places I've always dreamed of going to. We try to sample at least one "weird" food item when we go places. So far, Mag & I have tried calamari, gator tail, escargot, and conch. We're not up to par with Andrew Zimmern's "Bizarre Foods" by any stretch of the imagination, but hey, we're doing pretty good for two gals from 'Bama. LOL There's not much in the culinary department Jerry hasn't tried, so, he's introducing us to new things all the time. And speaking of food - this man is a FABULOUS cook, too. He usually has the main course ready when I get home from work, and then I'll finish up with the vegies and sides. He's been retired since 1994, and so stays home while the kids are in school and I go to work. He keeps this 6 acre yard and our home in tip-top shape, too. He's like the energizer bunny around here. :)
Jerry's son, Royce, is going to turn 17 next month, and he's been a wonderful addition to our lives as well. Mag looks up to him, and he's a young man with great strength of character, humor, and very goal oriented. The day after he turns 17, he will receive his private pilot's license. He is gearing up for college already - Embry Riddle. And he will be joining the Air Force after that - will go in as an officer. I've never seen ANY kid so goal-oriented in my life! He knows what he's going to do for the rest of his life as far as his career goes. He is passionate about flying - and is really good at it. He flies over the house when he goes out, and gives us a "wave" with the wings of the aircraft sometimes. It's really cool!
I guess, for a first blog in 2-1/2 years, this one's a good one. I was so unhappy all that time ago - and now, I'm in such a different place. I'm no longer on the "defense" all the time, my child is happy, healthy, and well adjusted, and I'm in love with the man I've always dreamed of having in my life. Color me "at peace & happy."
And I have to thank Jerry for bringing all of this to me & Maggie. His gentle spirit, his easy smile, his "realness", his genuine loving heart - all of this has enriched my world more than words can say. Thank you, Jerry, for loving us, for always being there (come hell or highwater), and for taking such good care of your girls.
Until next time...
Love & Light to you all. :)
Thought I'd share some pix of my family.
My Family @ hotel in Miami before Cruise
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| In Grand Cayman |
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| Maggie - Scared @ St. Augustine Ghost Hunt |
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Looking off our cruise ship at Miami has her baby - she named her Elizabeth Swann (from Pirates of the Caribbean)  Royce flying in St. Augustine with Craig Fordem of The Aerobatic Experience |
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Waste of Life
As my friends know, I work at a funeral home as an administrative assistant. (No, I don't have anything to do with the bodies - just their paperwork & memorial packages.) Anyway, we had a funeral that pretty much wrecked me yesterday.
Two nights after her high school graduation, a 16 year old girl took her own life because her boyfriend broke up with her. What made it even worse is that, at 16, she left behind a 2 year old daughter. There is something seriously wrong with this picture beyond the fact that a child is dead.
Let me address a number of things this whole tragedy has brought to my mind:
1.) HOW can a parent allow a 14 year old girl to hang out with boys years older than her? The alleged father is 20 years old, and allegedly molested this girl and got her pregnant during the incident. I don't understand. My child is 8, and I won't let her hang out with ANYONE without either me or her daddy nearby. I know, I know, it should be different when they're teenagers, but that's when they need the most guidance. That is NOT the time to slack up on being watchful. I'm afraid my daughter will probably be smothered because of my lack of trust in other people. But I'd rather be over-protective than not give a shit about her.
2.) HOW could this child's mother have allowed her to keep this baby when they already lived in squalor and the girl's mom (baby's grandma) doesn't care about the daughter she has, much less a new infant grandchild. If there are ANY teen mothers or pregnant teens out there reading this, PLEASE think long & hard about adoption. There are so many people who can't have babies who would be able to provide a loving, stable & safe home for your baby. Don't worry about stigmas attached to giving your baby away. If you know you cannot provide adequate housing, care, food, clothing, etc., for a child, you shouldn't (first of all) be having one, and secondly, trying to keep it. That sweet little baby deserves so much more than that.
3.) Here's a biggie for me for you teen girls: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING a boy tells you about love & marriage & stuff. They are ONLY saying that to get the booty. Keep your self-respect intact and don't give in to their pleadings. They'll survive if you don't give it up. They'll just move on to some ol' sleaze who WILL give it up - thereby proving to YOU that they never really cared for you in the first place. (Been there, done that.)
4.) TEENAGE BOYS: Don't be playing these girls like that. You have no clue what your headgames can do to a girl. We all just want to be loved, and being of the female nature, we're just naturally wired that way. Look at what happened to this girl I'm writing about - some idiot boy told her everything a girl like her felt she needed/wanted to hear - then when he got what he wanted, walked away and didn't look back. And she was obviously devastated. WHAT in the hell gives ANYONE the right to jack with someone's head like that? I believe there is a special place in hell for people (boys/girls/men/women) who do that to other people. And I'm a firm believer that EVERYTHING you send out into the world will come back to you 3-fold, so be very, very careful of what you put out there.
I was making sure the Memorial Book in the chapel had everything in it before the service started, and as I turned around the walk out of the chapel, the girl's mother, grandmother, & 2 year old daughter walked in. I spoke to the little girl and brushed her hair out of her face with my hand, and she started craning her neck and standing up on her tip-toes to try to see into her mama's casket. I just lost it. I got out of there as quickly as I could - fighting tears the whole way. I got to my office, started fanning my face, telling myself, "It's okay, it's okay..." But ya know what? It's NOT okay. It's not okay that this BEAUTIFUL little 16 year old CHILD/MOTHER died because of the STUPIDITY of some jerk-off little pencil-dick bastard. And she was just ignorant to think it would make any difference in the world to him that she had died because of her "love" for him. He couldn't care less. WAKE UP GIRLS!!
I have VERY hard feelings towards this young lady's mother as well. WHY wasn't she parenting her child? She didn't act like she even cared that her daughter was dead or that she had left a toddler behind - and it was obvious she wasn't thrilled with the idea of raising this toddler. What possible future can this beautiful baby girl have? She didn't have a snowball's chance in hell from the moment of her conception.
And one final word: Girls, take it from someone who's BEEN in your shoes. Boys are a dime a dozen - if one breaks your heart, another one will be along shortly. Don't waste tears on someone who couldn't possibly care less about your feelings, your thoughts, or your needs. All he cares about is gettin' some & moving on to the next girl he can con into giving it up. It's all one big game to some of them - and it's YOUR life & your head he's screwing with. Be careful who you share your body, heart & soul with. Not all are worthy - very few (if any, actually), in your lifetime will truly be worthy. You get exactly what you allow into your life - be it love or whatever. And don't confuse "chemistry" with love. You'll learn the difference in the two eventually, but in the meantime, be vigilant & guard yourself against the "beasts who hunt." Those are the ones who aren't worth your time, your love, or your tears - and especially, not your dying for.
Blessed be my friends. Sorry this got so serious, but this really got to me and I had to "unleash the beast." :P
Love ya,
Jules
Two nights after her high school graduation, a 16 year old girl took her own life because her boyfriend broke up with her. What made it even worse is that, at 16, she left behind a 2 year old daughter. There is something seriously wrong with this picture beyond the fact that a child is dead.
Let me address a number of things this whole tragedy has brought to my mind:
1.) HOW can a parent allow a 14 year old girl to hang out with boys years older than her? The alleged father is 20 years old, and allegedly molested this girl and got her pregnant during the incident. I don't understand. My child is 8, and I won't let her hang out with ANYONE without either me or her daddy nearby. I know, I know, it should be different when they're teenagers, but that's when they need the most guidance. That is NOT the time to slack up on being watchful. I'm afraid my daughter will probably be smothered because of my lack of trust in other people. But I'd rather be over-protective than not give a shit about her.
2.) HOW could this child's mother have allowed her to keep this baby when they already lived in squalor and the girl's mom (baby's grandma) doesn't care about the daughter she has, much less a new infant grandchild. If there are ANY teen mothers or pregnant teens out there reading this, PLEASE think long & hard about adoption. There are so many people who can't have babies who would be able to provide a loving, stable & safe home for your baby. Don't worry about stigmas attached to giving your baby away. If you know you cannot provide adequate housing, care, food, clothing, etc., for a child, you shouldn't (first of all) be having one, and secondly, trying to keep it. That sweet little baby deserves so much more than that.
3.) Here's a biggie for me for you teen girls: DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING a boy tells you about love & marriage & stuff. They are ONLY saying that to get the booty. Keep your self-respect intact and don't give in to their pleadings. They'll survive if you don't give it up. They'll just move on to some ol' sleaze who WILL give it up - thereby proving to YOU that they never really cared for you in the first place. (Been there, done that.)
4.) TEENAGE BOYS: Don't be playing these girls like that. You have no clue what your headgames can do to a girl. We all just want to be loved, and being of the female nature, we're just naturally wired that way. Look at what happened to this girl I'm writing about - some idiot boy told her everything a girl like her felt she needed/wanted to hear - then when he got what he wanted, walked away and didn't look back. And she was obviously devastated. WHAT in the hell gives ANYONE the right to jack with someone's head like that? I believe there is a special place in hell for people (boys/girls/men/women) who do that to other people. And I'm a firm believer that EVERYTHING you send out into the world will come back to you 3-fold, so be very, very careful of what you put out there.
I was making sure the Memorial Book in the chapel had everything in it before the service started, and as I turned around the walk out of the chapel, the girl's mother, grandmother, & 2 year old daughter walked in. I spoke to the little girl and brushed her hair out of her face with my hand, and she started craning her neck and standing up on her tip-toes to try to see into her mama's casket. I just lost it. I got out of there as quickly as I could - fighting tears the whole way. I got to my office, started fanning my face, telling myself, "It's okay, it's okay..." But ya know what? It's NOT okay. It's not okay that this BEAUTIFUL little 16 year old CHILD/MOTHER died because of the STUPIDITY of some jerk-off little pencil-dick bastard. And she was just ignorant to think it would make any difference in the world to him that she had died because of her "love" for him. He couldn't care less. WAKE UP GIRLS!!
I have VERY hard feelings towards this young lady's mother as well. WHY wasn't she parenting her child? She didn't act like she even cared that her daughter was dead or that she had left a toddler behind - and it was obvious she wasn't thrilled with the idea of raising this toddler. What possible future can this beautiful baby girl have? She didn't have a snowball's chance in hell from the moment of her conception.
And one final word: Girls, take it from someone who's BEEN in your shoes. Boys are a dime a dozen - if one breaks your heart, another one will be along shortly. Don't waste tears on someone who couldn't possibly care less about your feelings, your thoughts, or your needs. All he cares about is gettin' some & moving on to the next girl he can con into giving it up. It's all one big game to some of them - and it's YOUR life & your head he's screwing with. Be careful who you share your body, heart & soul with. Not all are worthy - very few (if any, actually), in your lifetime will truly be worthy. You get exactly what you allow into your life - be it love or whatever. And don't confuse "chemistry" with love. You'll learn the difference in the two eventually, but in the meantime, be vigilant & guard yourself against the "beasts who hunt." Those are the ones who aren't worth your time, your love, or your tears - and especially, not your dying for.
Blessed be my friends. Sorry this got so serious, but this really got to me and I had to "unleash the beast." :P
Love ya,
Jules
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